No. Actually Let’s Talk About How That Year Ended.

This is me minding my damn business in someone’s mountains. We all heal differently.

I’m not doing a recap on the year. You lived through 2017. You already know what’s up. Let’s move right along.

I did take a chance and submitted my work into a (queer) magazine with hopes of getting things published. Guess who the fuck got his first rejection letter? Yuuup.

I don’t get em’ often, so anytime I do get one the event becomes a national (and mostly personal) travesty.

I’m not gonna be that sour loser who just believes his work is the best. I think “best” is entirely relative. Here’s what I know:

I know I love what I do, and after the first night of receiving the rejection letter I stayed up and plotted new ways to do the work that I know I love doing.

I didn’t “come out” so that I could hold hands with some boy who didn’t love me or himself. Fuck that shit.

I came out and left the world I knew so I could do this work I couldn’t let the thick layer of shame prevail when I wrote about life and sexuality. I’ve been writing about love and life and sex and all those things in between since 2011, and I had been writing for hobby years before that.

I love creating shit that is queer, and brown, and sexual, and thoughtful, and funny, and real, even if it’s absolutely wrongPeople don’t do real shit anymore. Some mornings I’m up before the sun, designing new ways to do the work I love. I’m studying as many masters as I can, ingesting as many books, talks, podcasts and etc. as time allows.

I love the work I get to do with my time alive.

So when failure hit, it shook me all the way the fuck up.

I skipped sleeping. I hardly ate. I’m that kind of crazy.
A friend of mine insisted I come out to visit her in Colorado.

I went to unclog, if you will. See some mountains, breath some rarefied air. Didn’t smoke legalized marijuana. I don’t smoke. Visited book stores. Reminded myself the world is absolutely mesmerizing as it is. I am too. I drank a bunch. I threw up a dozen times on the flight back. It was excellent.

I have returned, and I look forward to putting out even more work and finding even more ways to do work that I thoroughly enjoy.

I appreciate all the folks who keep up with (or accidentally stumble into) the work I produce. I hope everyone manages to find work in this life that they are willing to fail at and still show up to do the next morning.

It might not be glamorous, but it’s real. May you all go do some real shit.





8 thoughts on “No. Actually Let’s Talk About How That Year Ended.

  1. The eternal words of Chumbawamba’s tubthumping come to mind, both with regards to composure and alcohol consumption. Failure explored – now that’s interesting – that sounds real to me!

    Keep up the good work my man, go explore – love, fuck and fail – then tell us all about it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are the only person I know who quotes anything by Chumbawamba. So…..there’s that. Also, turned out to be a stomach virus. I’m not terrible at holding my liquor(s).

      Double also, failing at things I love doing is becoming a sort of kink. You don’t have any idea how much you love doing something until you hear a couple no’s while doing it.

      Triple also, glad to see you’re back…


  2. Do YOU and write – no, create – what you want! You’ve got talent so use it in whatever way you like. There are many of us who are searching for reality and that’s what you deliver best, my fellow blogger. Keep up the good work! Happy 2018! Naked hugs!

    BTW: nice photos!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Roger,
      I’m doing a bunch of readings on creative folks and their processes, creating a number of new writing pieces, illustrations, photographs and anything in between. I look forward to popping out a bunch of new work this year.

      Thank you so much for your early and continued support. When the train takes off I will definitely remember that you were on it VERY early.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I think most of your readers agree on the fact that you are talented. You’re right, failure sucks. I am sure you have listened to a bunch of podcast about this or success but recently I have been listening to this Jim Carrey podcast about passion in the workplace (failure, success etc…) and it just inspired big time!
    Keep doing you I am sure it will catch the eye of the right person in the business who will allow you to go to the next level


    1. Ah. Okay. Sitting down to look at things again.

      I think most of my readers can agree I tend to be REALLLLLL relaxed about responding to things.

      I’m going to be on the lookout for this Jim Carey Podcast, Frankly, I’m a little obsessed with failure. Anytime I see anyone big, or even anyone on the rise, I love to research and see what their failure looked like. I’m past the point of being obsessive about successes. I think I was reading through Oprah’s “Wisdom of Sundays” and there’s an amazing bit about us not learning anything via success. Failure is where all of the good shit is.

      I’m paraphrasing, obviously Oprah doesn’t use the word ‘shit’, and I wouldn’t either at that income bracket.


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